Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
