Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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