Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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