remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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