were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
