I faked an abortion last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
