saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
