we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
