ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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