We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
