you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
