all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
