So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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