i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
