Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
