Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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