If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
