Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
MIDGETS
????
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
