Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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