I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
