I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
