I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
