hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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