i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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