The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
