I faked an abortion last night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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