I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize