It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
