last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is wine microwaveable?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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