I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
