I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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