if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my liver is dry heaving
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
