im having a threesome with these popsicles
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
