Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize