Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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