so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
