I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
