I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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