But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
