can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
There's even glitter on my cock...
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