My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
