K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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