Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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