youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
