Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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