Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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