What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
