im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
