yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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