My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
