my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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