But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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