and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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