Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
