I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
