Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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