highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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