Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
