I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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