He kissed a someone with a penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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