3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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