I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
