38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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