dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
