I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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