I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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