I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
