So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
