Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
