I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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